I am having one of those days... ever had one? I am starting to feel like I am fading in a sense. I think that I know that something is wrong on account of that I am starting to look forward to work at the Montessori school. Not to say that it is horrible, but i mean... it is definitely a challenge. Lately, things just haven't been going my way i guess, and i am the type of person who tends to throw a bitch fit when things necessarily do not go my way. I know i am being vague right now, but i am thinking whether or not i should start pouring out my problems out on a public website... probably not a good idea but i will spill over the basics for you. These, problems of mine, well, it seems as though they will not go away. You see, I am supposed to leave Montana in about 4 weeks, and I have been here, against my will, for about a year now. It hasn't been much fun but I am actually not as excited as I always thought that I should be around this time, I think that I am getting pretty confused about it and for once... and those who know me this will be epic, but i think that i was wrong about almost everything that i once fought for. It is hard for me to look back at something and think about it and admitting that i was wrong. What was wrong specifically you might be wondering? well, to tell you the truth, i would need to create an entirely new blog just to talk about that because it wasn't just one thing, i was wrong about tons of things... and i do not feel like that i need to talk about that on here. If you really want to know, contact me... the number to where I am staying is (406)-756-0111. I would actually be very happy if I got a random call from somebody asking me what i thought was wrong... it would probably restore my hope and faith in society a little bit. My advice to those who are as stubborn, or tenacious, (this is what i called myself when i didn't want to accept that i was stubborn, it has a much better ring to it, don't you think?) but back to my advice for those who are as stubborn as me, swallow your pride because it just isn't worth the fight... and think about it, other than your pride, what are you fighting for? unless there is some joy you get from pissing people off and being difficult... (which i tend to enjoy myself sometimes... especially when i am in a bad mood.)
But anyways, every time winter comes around i get into sort of a comatose mood and my body slows down... and being here it Montana only exemplifies that state....
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Alrighty, well I am back in the mix of making this blog something worth people's time... and yes, I would like some cheese with my whine. I have been introduced to a band that I have been listening to non-stop lately called Okkervil River. Some of the lyrics are a little, well... disturbing, but maybe that is the type of effect that the writer was trying to portray.
Anyways, for all of those new to this page, or this is the first time that you have seen it, Welcome! You have front row seats to watch the mind of a complete moron work! This is actually my way of venting, unrolling, whatever you may like to call it, but believe it or not it works... and I had the great idea that i should let other people enjoy this because, i know that i would if somebody, like me, was doing something this ridiculous. Phew, enough rambling on and tearing my self apart.
I took a psychology midterm today, it was some sort of essay format where there were a list of questions and you would pick only a few and answer them. Well, in this case, there were 4 questions, i had to pick 3. I answered them, but little did i know that at the bottom was one of those questions where it is a lame attempt for the teacher to get to know you, and you have absolutely no choice but to answer the question... the question was along the lines of if you were in psychology, what career choice would you have and what personal attributes do you think would be best used?... something like that... but i kind of got lost in the question... made me think. So, here i am, writing about it on my blog... Jesus....
i had a different feel on the campus today here at the magnificent Flathead Valley Community College. It seemed that everybody here was a walking ghost... (i don't mean to put the "emo" mask on right now if I am...) but, i don't know, nobody was socializing, the sky was gray, there is fucking snow on the mountains that you can see all around campus... what a double edge sword... but it just feels empty. Maybe it is a reflection of how i am feeling, well, yea know, with goodbyes and all, i feel that this is just the end of an ending in some ways... alright, i will give you all this to tear apart with your thoughts on should i be friends with him anymore type bullshit. Maybe I will be back today...
Anyways, for all of those new to this page, or this is the first time that you have seen it, Welcome! You have front row seats to watch the mind of a complete moron work! This is actually my way of venting, unrolling, whatever you may like to call it, but believe it or not it works... and I had the great idea that i should let other people enjoy this because, i know that i would if somebody, like me, was doing something this ridiculous. Phew, enough rambling on and tearing my self apart.
I took a psychology midterm today, it was some sort of essay format where there were a list of questions and you would pick only a few and answer them. Well, in this case, there were 4 questions, i had to pick 3. I answered them, but little did i know that at the bottom was one of those questions where it is a lame attempt for the teacher to get to know you, and you have absolutely no choice but to answer the question... the question was along the lines of if you were in psychology, what career choice would you have and what personal attributes do you think would be best used?... something like that... but i kind of got lost in the question... made me think. So, here i am, writing about it on my blog... Jesus....
i had a different feel on the campus today here at the magnificent Flathead Valley Community College. It seemed that everybody here was a walking ghost... (i don't mean to put the "emo" mask on right now if I am...) but, i don't know, nobody was socializing, the sky was gray, there is fucking snow on the mountains that you can see all around campus... what a double edge sword... but it just feels empty. Maybe it is a reflection of how i am feeling, well, yea know, with goodbyes and all, i feel that this is just the end of an ending in some ways... alright, i will give you all this to tear apart with your thoughts on should i be friends with him anymore type bullshit. Maybe I will be back today...
Friday, November 14, 2008
Day 2 of the... "blog experience..." Things with the blog are now going well, despite the fact that this probably is the dumbest thing that I have ever done in my life (next to ramming a car on 19th Ave. while stopped at a red light...) but actually it is quite interesting. ya smell me? but anyways...
snow is starting cover the tips of all of the mountains around the Flathead valley... it almost seems like I am witnessing the inevitable death I am about to face... death being winter... While at work today actually I was talking with, well first things first... I work at the local Montessori school... I actually somewhat enjoy it but I am afraid to tell people that because that almost seems repulsive. But to make a long meaningless story short... we talked about the snow... and when it was going to arrive inside the valley. I don't know why i just went there but fuck it I did. But alas, as winter comes nearer everyday, my thoughts seem to meander downward as opposed to upward being jolly Jake and such, it doesn't seem like seasonal depression, I think that I just don't want to walk around in the snow (or even ice for that matter) to work and school... and as the weather gets colder that means that the kids that i take care of need more layers! and they hate to put their damn coats on already so winter, too, means work... i guess that that was somewhat of a point that i was trying to make out of all of this. And to take the infamous motto of my mother and a well known sports wear corporation: "just do it."
I couldn't help it last night but to think about where in gods name I will be in 10 or 20 years... It actually dawned on me that I may not be able to know for sure what or where I will be and that seemed just fine to me. I mean, I could be anywhere seeing as how I ended up in Kalispell, Montana... a place that I had never heard of before and if I had, I don't think I would have made any plans to head up this way. (that's the most polite way I could say that...) I guess what i was trying to get across was that if I ended up in Kalispell, and taken in the middle of the night by two very big men, how could I fathom my future? That kind of makes it exciting though huh? maybe I will be taken in the middle of the night again and put in Mozambique and live there for about 13 months... alright, I am done with that bullshit. I tend to rant on and on about certain things that don't even seem to make sense. Even so, you still read this... I digress.
Another thing that has been on my mind lately is money. Interestingly enough, there are some perks about having a blog... one being that you can make some money very easily. I don't think that I am going to do this but if I was super desperate... well I will just explain it, google sponsors a program called AdSense, this is basically a tool to help companies advertise, and for people to make money. If i signed up and agreed to let my ever so amazing blog become a billboard, I would get a monthly check. This also depends on how many people click the advertisements... unfortunately we all need to be a little realistic at some points and well, this is one of them... not a lot of people come to this blog... (sigh) there I said it. But in all seriousness, i would probably get like 60 cents a month if I advertised. That is going off of a 10 cent a click estimate... Well, I guess that is it for now, I will drop in later today...
snow is starting cover the tips of all of the mountains around the Flathead valley... it almost seems like I am witnessing the inevitable death I am about to face... death being winter... While at work today actually I was talking with, well first things first... I work at the local Montessori school... I actually somewhat enjoy it but I am afraid to tell people that because that almost seems repulsive. But to make a long meaningless story short... we talked about the snow... and when it was going to arrive inside the valley. I don't know why i just went there but fuck it I did. But alas, as winter comes nearer everyday, my thoughts seem to meander downward as opposed to upward being jolly Jake and such, it doesn't seem like seasonal depression, I think that I just don't want to walk around in the snow (or even ice for that matter) to work and school... and as the weather gets colder that means that the kids that i take care of need more layers! and they hate to put their damn coats on already so winter, too, means work... i guess that that was somewhat of a point that i was trying to make out of all of this. And to take the infamous motto of my mother and a well known sports wear corporation: "just do it."
I couldn't help it last night but to think about where in gods name I will be in 10 or 20 years... It actually dawned on me that I may not be able to know for sure what or where I will be and that seemed just fine to me. I mean, I could be anywhere seeing as how I ended up in Kalispell, Montana... a place that I had never heard of before and if I had, I don't think I would have made any plans to head up this way. (that's the most polite way I could say that...) I guess what i was trying to get across was that if I ended up in Kalispell, and taken in the middle of the night by two very big men, how could I fathom my future? That kind of makes it exciting though huh? maybe I will be taken in the middle of the night again and put in Mozambique and live there for about 13 months... alright, I am done with that bullshit. I tend to rant on and on about certain things that don't even seem to make sense. Even so, you still read this... I digress.
Another thing that has been on my mind lately is money. Interestingly enough, there are some perks about having a blog... one being that you can make some money very easily. I don't think that I am going to do this but if I was super desperate... well I will just explain it, google sponsors a program called AdSense, this is basically a tool to help companies advertise, and for people to make money. If i signed up and agreed to let my ever so amazing blog become a billboard, I would get a monthly check. This also depends on how many people click the advertisements... unfortunately we all need to be a little realistic at some points and well, this is one of them... not a lot of people come to this blog... (sigh) there I said it. But in all seriousness, i would probably get like 60 cents a month if I advertised. That is going off of a 10 cent a click estimate... Well, I guess that is it for now, I will drop in later today...
Thursday, November 13, 2008
My first entry...
Alright, why did I even make a blog? Why am i writing in general? and why is the sky blue? Writing is something that I have not done in ages... ages = about 3 years... after a failed attempt at trying to pump out a book losing it completley after my prestigious Alienware computer crashed and I lost everything, my motivation might as well been part of the computer because that was lost too. Bummer. But yea know what? life goes on, and here I am 3 years later writing on my very own blog... whoop-dee-doo....
Right now I am killing time in a Metalsmithing class at the Flathead Valley community college. Why do I go here you might ask?... or even what in gods name am I doing in Montana? Well, there are answers to both of those questions and unfortunately the answers to both of those questions are very long and tedious to explain... but I guess that is what a blog is for right? Well, I think that over the course of maybe... well, I can't give you an estimate right now, but I will defiantely answer those questions, conciously and subconsiously, if you (the reader who probably has nothing better to do...) continue to follow this blog. I am shit, I have sometimes to much to say at times and this seemed like the most logical solution to me. Why doesn't everybody just get out there and create a blog? I think that another thing that is very important to understand if you follow this amazingly ____________ blog, is that I am deathly sarcastic... so... be forewarned!
I completly forgot that I even mentioned that I was in my metalsmithing class right now... yeah, I don't know why I am taking it, but if you refere back to the first sentence of this meaningless ramble... you will see that I don't sem to know much...
And since this seems to be a place where I can pretend that people are listening to me and I am being heard, I might as well go on... jeez, I am a fucking loser... and the sad thing is that I think that I have come to grips with that. I mean seriously, let me describe to you the setting that I am in right now, I am sitting on a red swivle chair in this big white room of a community college art building... the room is well ventilated (making it cold with that constant suttle noise of a fan twirling in the background) and I am sitting next to a friend of mine who is getting tips on how to make a beautiful piece of jewlery... (sigh) By the way, the room is well lit so it almost magnifys the nothingness of the white walls only making me seem smaller and the rom seem even more dull... Wh am I describing this art room again?... oh thats right, I was trying to justify why I think that I am a loser...
I shouldn't have t be in Montana for long though... I will hopefully be on my way out in about 36 days, 3 hours, 3 minutes and 36 seconds... ( not that I am counting or anything...) but I guess that just shows my true affection for this place..... alright, I think that this is enough for now... but I plan on adding to this at least once everyday... so stay tuned!
Right now I am killing time in a Metalsmithing class at the Flathead Valley community college. Why do I go here you might ask?... or even what in gods name am I doing in Montana? Well, there are answers to both of those questions and unfortunately the answers to both of those questions are very long and tedious to explain... but I guess that is what a blog is for right? Well, I think that over the course of maybe... well, I can't give you an estimate right now, but I will defiantely answer those questions, conciously and subconsiously, if you (the reader who probably has nothing better to do...) continue to follow this blog. I am shit, I have sometimes to much to say at times and this seemed like the most logical solution to me. Why doesn't everybody just get out there and create a blog? I think that another thing that is very important to understand if you follow this amazingly ____________ blog, is that I am deathly sarcastic... so... be forewarned!
I completly forgot that I even mentioned that I was in my metalsmithing class right now... yeah, I don't know why I am taking it, but if you refere back to the first sentence of this meaningless ramble... you will see that I don't sem to know much...
And since this seems to be a place where I can pretend that people are listening to me and I am being heard, I might as well go on... jeez, I am a fucking loser... and the sad thing is that I think that I have come to grips with that. I mean seriously, let me describe to you the setting that I am in right now, I am sitting on a red swivle chair in this big white room of a community college art building... the room is well ventilated (making it cold with that constant suttle noise of a fan twirling in the background) and I am sitting next to a friend of mine who is getting tips on how to make a beautiful piece of jewlery... (sigh) By the way, the room is well lit so it almost magnifys the nothingness of the white walls only making me seem smaller and the rom seem even more dull... Wh am I describing this art room again?... oh thats right, I was trying to justify why I think that I am a loser...
I shouldn't have t be in Montana for long though... I will hopefully be on my way out in about 36 days, 3 hours, 3 minutes and 36 seconds... ( not that I am counting or anything...) but I guess that just shows my true affection for this place..... alright, I think that this is enough for now... but I plan on adding to this at least once everyday... so stay tuned!
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